April 23, 2009

HOW DO YOU SAY GOODBYE?

How do you say goodbye to someone you don't know??....We received word yesterday that Tim's biological father passed away the night before...A man that Tim has only seen or spoken to 4 times in his life...I've only seen once...

He chose not to be father....

He never celebrated in Tim's achievements and the man he's become..

His mom remarried and Tim was adopted and raised by his daddy, James...So he had a dad growing up...

And we found out several years ago that he only lived an hour from us....Whereas most of the family lived 4 1/2 to 5 hours away in Northwest Georgia where Tim is from...

Last year Tim reached out to him for what he didn't know would be the last time...He was in the hospital after having a heart attack...He reached out to this man he didn't know..It was a HARD decision for Tim..His condition had improved or we had talked about going to see him...So Tim chose a phone call....They spoke and then ended with Tim telling him if he ever needed anything to call and gave him our number...We knew deep down he never would call...But deep down I had always hoped....

He only held Taylor once when she was a month old....He has never seen Luke.....He's never heard my children's laughter or heard their voices....It's so sad!...He missed out!....They are his only granchildren listed in the obituary....

Did he ever think about our family....Did he ever wonder???...

How do you say goodbye to someone you don't know, but should know???....Someone you forever have a connection to, but don't!...

Rest in Peace ....You will be mourned and missed....You will be thought of and remembered!!...A sad goodbye!

6 comments:

Terri(TerriBoog) said...

Jennifer, What a lovely tribute to a man you could have, should have, known. When I say I'm so sorry for yours and Tim's loss, know that I mean more than just the loss of his passing.

Linda / Behind My Red Door said...

Hi Jen, Even though you didn't know him by his own choice, I am sure there is still loss. It's too bad he didn't reach out to Tim. Thank goodness he has had James in his life. Sending hugs and prayers, Linda

Woods Olde Homestead said...

That is sad that he didn't get to know
Tim and you and the kids...maybe he wanted to reach out but didn't know how and was afraid to...prayers to all of you..
sorry for your loss...
Prim Blessings...
Tonja

Terry said...

I went through the same situation with my twins. I remarried and my husband adopted the boys when they were 12. Their biological dad passed away last Nov. Had only had contact with my younger son a couple of times. The older one didn't want too. They both struggled with his passing, as did I. It was hard to know what we should feel.
I hope your husband is doing okay, and your tribute was very nice.
Terry

Karen said...

Jen, you said it all right here in the post.
I do belive you both said your goodbye's - Tim, when he reached out...and not even knowing it would be his last time....to me that's a goodbye - it was meant to be.
So I do believe it has already been said.

Maybe you should copy what you wrote in this post on paper and as a family amongst just yourselves, read this aloud and that would be a wonderful goodbye to someone you should have but didn't know.

Bless you all.
Hugs, Karen

Colleen said...

I can empathize with you both, but especially Tim. I was adopted at age 3. I was told I had 2 brothers but never knew them. Michigan has closed adoptions so I cannot find out any info on my biological family. Maybe it's for the best, but it makes you wonder about people that you have a "connection" to. However, my adopted mother was a very dominating and hateful person and alienated everyone around her...including me. What I'm trying to say is Tim did the right thing by contacting him. The rest was up to his father. He will be accountable for what he did and didn't do. It's sad that there are people that don't seem to have any feelings for the children they created but don't let Tim blame himself for anything. You cannot control another persons feelings. If Tim had good adopted parents he is very fortunate. My thoughts and prayers are with you both at this time.